Forever is a long time from now.

"Im going to love you forever"

"Forever is a long time from now"

"It isn't long enough"

It is a big deal.

I will never forget this, and maybe deep down somewhere, you want that.

I can't even pretend you aren't there, a part of me. When you so clearly are.

No rest, no break, no you.

Every migrane, that squeezes my brain in a nausiating pulse. Its you.

Every anxiety attack that strikes me in the middle of my classes, watching tv. Its you.

Every time I close my eyes and hoping for a night of relief, I just keep dreaming. Of you.

You changed your mind, you forgot. They play out over and over again and each time you end up kissing me, holding me close, and I can feel the warmth of your skin pressed against my chest.

Then I open my eyes, the light creeps in from the curtains, and I find I wake up crying.

It was just a dream. You werent really there, but your still right beside me.

I can still smell you. Did you know that?

You loved me, I sat there snuggled in your arms, on starry night in the middle of no where.

And at that moment I felt like everything wrong went right.

I sit here, shattered, trying to pick up the pieces, glue them back together into a mangled form of myself. I know I love you, I can feel it creeping through my veins like the poison you are.

I cant help but still be there. I promised to hold your hand through the good and the bad.

If you couldnt manage your next breath, I would be your air.

Yes, perhaps I still want to believe in fairy tales. That past my cynical heart there is still that bit of magic few of us rarely get the chance to find.

I count the days, the occurences, over and over again. Trying to find the line before where it went right to wrong.

One day you were drawing hearts and arrows across my leg, snuggling in your arms, saying you dont want to be apart from me, and that those who thought we wouldnt fix it were wrong.

The next I was there, holding your hand through my words, talking to you telling you that all of it was going to be okay. You replied telling me I was so good to you, and you love me more than anyone.

The next day I was not in the best of moods but instead of burdening you with my problems I just let you have fun drinking it up with your friends. Because I was unable to be there.

You wanted me to tell you everything because you couldnt have fun knowing I wasnt okay. You told me you loved me so much and that you wished I could have been there that night.

What went wrong.

Suddenly you never wanted me to speak to you again.

Suddenly I was stupid, annoying.

Suddenly there was someone else.

I should hate you, I should scream at you.

But I cant help but just fall apart and love you.

I am afraid, I was afraid, that everything I found good, would crumble under my toes and I couldnt find the floor. Maybe you were just as afraid.