Pieces of a person

Sometimes, I feel I am made of up of pieces of a person, because I cant imagine myself feel whole.

I hate those moments, when the anxiety blankets over you, causing your heart to beat at a peculiar pace. If only I could explain the things I could, though in previous blogs I always speak of how disastrous that society has become with the need for love, and not the desire.

I feel I need love. Because when I have someone I care about deeply, and them at my side caring about me to. I am complete, but then I soon think of all the reasons they arent happy, or all the things they do to me or behind my back. I cant be happy with myself and I cant enjoy what is making me happy.

Im at the point I cant believe anyone. We are all so full of lies, we as in humans.

I keep missing my ex, and when it was brought to my attention earlier today that I may head down his way into his town. I felt the need to see him, hug him and cry so hard for everything I have hid inside. I know this isnt the right choice by anyway.

The other person I am seeing, I wish I knew he gave an inch for my feelings. His action and real life words, are yes, not matching his pathetic texts by not giving me the time of day to respond to them. I am aware this post is completely hypocritical to my previous post.

But the truth is, I am tired of the drama and this sicking overwhelming gush i get swimming through my body.

Is it to much to find one who is really truly there without a battle or without hesitance?

I think you only find those when your 82 and in your old folks home, when the men and women only care about death and no more mind games and teases.

I would give anything to trust my decision and someone to trust me enough to keep at it, and fight for me. Say good morning, say good night. These are small gestures but enough to at least show that person was on your mind and meant enough to let them know something so small.

My heart aches, it is actually just ripping and pounding.

I want to feel the fireworks, and the desire and those moments and memories.

I want to hold hands, and have first kisses and just feel so safe and secure because you know that person so well its okay.

I miss all of thats, and I want all of that. So show me someone to trust, someone to love and be loved by. And maybe for once, my heart feel whole again, and I can stop living as pieces of a person who is trying to fit together.