Hearts hold a million memories, you make a million and one.

If a girl holds on longer than she wants to. Longer than you think she should. Maybe it was because she thought you were going to be the one that would count. Maybe because holding onto you at least gave her a piece of a feeling your not completely gone. Maybe she plays your face over and over again before she goes to sleep hoping it will be the first thing she sees the next morning. Maybe the reason she mentions you every day, or talks about you like you never left, is because she hoping she wont have to talk about everything in past tense. She wont have to forget, she wont have to let those memories go. That maybe they will happen again and again. Maybe she cry's more than she should because it hurts more than it should. Maybe she wont let herself cry because she wants to think their shouldn't be a reason. Maybe she holds onto you so hard that maybe in fear if she let you go, even just an inch. She is losing you all together.
And maybe I'm holding onto you so hard, because I love you. And maybe I come so close to crying, but never do because i know you never want to see my cry. I think about you so much hoping that it wont just be lying to mind. That you didn't mean what you said. Maybe I refuse to forget you because I refuse for you to forget me. I play out our potential like a broken record, because I'm hoping that if I'm laying out the path, we just might follow it. And maybe its because, I see something in you that's different then all the rest, a piece of my never ending puzzle. I know you better and see you in the brightest light then all the rest. Maybe because I'm a fighter, and you are battle I promise myself to beat. I'm tried of pretending and trying to fool myself with what everyone says, when they say you aren't worth it, when deep down, I know you are.

These Pretty Eyes, will always be Pretty for you.

Pretty eyes will always stay pretty for you.
I will never let you go, and I will catch you when you fall.
Clover imprinted in the pages, a promise I swear to keep.
Take me from my poisons and feed me your heart.
I have all the love to give.

Breakfast at noon, virtual fighters.
Snuggled under the covers, for beautiful moments that felt like hours.
Lip Lock, Kiss and Tell.
Rivers and Trees, Lighters.
Ants can mean destruction.
Play me, my heart on your electric guitar,
Skin that can touch and rub, Trains drive by at a pace I cant compare.

Ill give you my love on paper, and show you with my eyes.
Groggy mornings, sleepless nights.
I thought of you at 3'oclock in the morning, like you did that night.
Rusty slides and squeaky swings.
Sushi was not your favorite thing.
Black polyester; green grass stains.

I never felt like this before.
Ill carry you up a mountain and walk you back home.
Wake up to your face, clothes I cant find.
Mothers eyes seeing more than they should see.
You and Me.

Mr G's, railroad tracks
Ben and Jerry's on a sunday afternoon.
Garage sales that never came, Parks that happened our way.
Cause' Maybe your gonna be the one that saves me

Baseball fields and ripped up jeans.
Chocolate Chillates, Sprite and water,
Star Wars and salad.
Home away from home; wrapped up in you.

Your just my little girl, and your just my boy.
My heart in your hands, my palms on your chest.
Napoleon Dynamite; Pepper mint patties.
Webcam dysfunction, girls with eyes of envy.
Burgers and Shaving cream.
Blackberrys and Bubble Gum.
Hearts hold a million memories, you make a million and one

Im going to miss you so much when Im gone.
Through the hard times baby, I swear I have got it all.
I promised, I would never let you fall.


And when Im alone with the nights I cant remember, I wish I was in your arms.
cause after all, your my Wonderwall.


--------
Im not giving up with out a fight.
Because my heart holds you with each inch.
And your the one I cant forget.

Let lips never leave

If someone came up to me and stated that you were the scum of the earth.
I would have to disagree, because even though hearts were broken.
You were worth it to me.

If I could say a million words, and say them just for you.
I would probably choose to tell you everything, that I had felt and wanted with you.
Days can be so trivial, to compare them to what I believed.
Conquer the highest mountain, and let lips never leave.

Brown eyes so deep I fell into each time,your scent that lingers,
touch so tender and breath so warm.
I remember how it felt to know, when days were tough. I had a home away from home.
Safely tucked in your arms. Evil's fade away, lips on my forehead. Words in my ear.
Falling
Falling
Falling

I want to stay up till way past midnight counting the stars from when, then and each
time in between. Lay on our backs when the sky is black and blue thinking about all
the dreams I thought I could have had with you.
I cant help but feel that honestly, I love you.

Through madness and insanity. I will still wait for seconds to pass and the faith I have in you to become my present.
Because I can't live, remembering everything we once and truly had.
Pretty Eyes that shine, only for you.
Pretty Eyes that will always stay pretty for you.

Wrote on July 12, 2009

The hopeless romantic.

I realize, that lately I have not met my creativity potential.
Words have been tumbling in my mind like an old dryer sheet.
To just maybe possibly explain the things I have been feeling, and the conclusions I have come to.
And here is one, and I mostly came to a different level of understanding when I was having a conversation with my friend Robert Young.

Even when you are not romantically involved. You are involved of the drama of it.
Because Love (or the illusion of it, that our minds have created a long ever-lasting goal to find and accomplish) is everywhere. I am also currently having a conversation with my dear friend Stuart, and he is feeling worried sick that a young man is going to grope and woo his woman.
The drama of love is that even when we are not involved, I think that secretly, we all seek to be part of its cycle. The lust, love and heartbreak. Because it makes us feel complete as human beings to know that our heart gives us an adrenaline rush, head over heels. 'Twitter pated' as once explained by Owl in Bambi, feeling.
And there for, we are all part of this sad, disappointing, depressing notion that love is a necessity in life, and we can not just be simply happy with ourselves.
Causing a drama to overwhelm us, if we are not feeling love. Making us, the pathetic, incredibly dependent human species to feel lonely and 'incomplete'.
Though if you are in a relationship you either feel completely star struck and so oblivious to the fact that in the end your world will crumble and Mr./Miss Fantastic is actually the scum that is giving you the emotion of tearing your heart out. So at least you do not have to feel.
Or you are comparing your relationship to how YOU want it, or how it SHOULD be.
Bantering about all the flaws to your significant other or everyone else standing around.
Because 'love' was just not satisfying enough to enjoy what you have.

And then of coarse, there is the most pathetic. The hopeless romantic.
When no matter everything you know about love, how much it hurts. You still keep coming back.
When you know, that he/she wont be your everything, and you will feel like you were kicked down the stairs, but to you. One more moment with them, is better than having had nothing at all. This where we make our horrible mistake. Because we keep believing and believing in dreams that will never come true. And our hopeless, romantic hearts, turn bitter and stone cold.
Because when once trusting everyone, your heart in their hands.

You learned to trust no one, not even yourself because you let yourself fall, and you blame yourself for crashing.

How stupid of you, to think that perhaps. Love was worth your while.


Love defines us, for if we can not escape it, it must be part of us because no matter where you go you have to live with yourself.
- Robert Young

Behind the reality, shows who you really are.

Lies Lies Lies.
Did you think that I would never know?
Did you think it didn't cross my mind each day the promises you swore to keep?
The words you guarded with your life.
Did you not believe me when I said I wouldn't look back?

Pain of the heart, your big brown eyes, your sweet smile.
The face that I fall for each day.
A twist and tear in my gut. The voice that tickles behind my heart, lips of an angel.
A midnight conversation of tears and screams. Termites drilling in my brain.

Lies Lies Lies.
Behind the reality; shows who you really are.
A moment in time where illusion beat my cold soul.
The back hand slap to the words I confided, the feelings I put on the table.
My best hand of poker.
Love games,

Hand to Heart.
I love with each inch. But I forgive so much smaller.
I am holding out for a hero; and ill wait till the edge of forever.
An eye for an eye. You tear me apart.
Words lacking truth, searching for confidence.

Worlds Apart.
Hand to my Heart.
Lies. Lies. Lies.

I will always remeber, what I can never forget.

When I am 85, and I am striving for my next breath, I hope I look back and have fond memories of you.
Those moments we danced under the starry sky, with our past and future dazzling above us.
The times were we sat in the rain, dreaming of the moments we have yet to embrace.
When each time you took my breath away you gave it right back, sealed with your tender touch.
That time where all you demanded of me was to stare into my eyes, and let yourself fall into the love you had for me
I hope that I will remember when my tears were your pain, and your heart was in my hands.
Those days where all we did was play go-fish and count the summer days away.
When I was your only one, the treasure tucked away in cracks of your heart.
The key thrown away, and a lock made of steel.
I hope Ill remember what it felt like to love you with every fiber of my being, and to know you always cared.


I hope the past wont haunt me. Images of memories left behind, fluttering behind closed eyes.

I hope I wont remember the times you cut me so deep, my blood was thicker than my pain.
I hope I wont remember those times you pushed me away, turned your back and walked the other way.
I hope I will forget the promises made, that you threw out the window.
I hope I forget, that you took me for granted.
I hope It wont haunt me, that you did not care, and I loved with my whole heart.

I hope you really wont forget.

Because though, when I am 85 and striving for my next breath.
I know babe, I will always remember you.

Light

I try and catch a breath, but I do not have the strength to breathe. I try to have a heart, but I do not have the courage to live. My eyes do not blink, my eyes do not stare.
I do not wish to see.
My hands slowly grip my knees as I rock slowly back and forth. Perhaps the fetal position may not make the stabbing depression in my gut hurt as severe.
I am silent, a vegetable, the undead, but not quite living.

Mind is gripping structures, but sweaty palms slide down my textured mental walls
Maybe, you are still alive.
Maybe it is all a demented form of joke.
An inside plan to teach me a life lesson.
Or maybe,
You just went away for a while.

You will be back. You promised you would never leave.
A commandment etched in stone.

I manage to lurch my body to a stand, and take a few baby steps.
Wobbly, and uncertain.

I hear a voice, my peripheral vision spots an image, not so far behind.
Could it be your call? Could it be your figure?
I sense my heart, I feel a spark lit behind life less eyes.
I turn; a welcoming smile spreads across my pale lifeless cheeks.
Though it is your image I wish to greet.
Nothing more than a filmstrip of memory, playing before my grief stricken eyes.
A mockery of the mind.

I turn, and stand for moment, hands wrapping around my body, nails snagging skin.
Holding myself together.
Black demons soaring through cells remind, and repeat, what I long to forget.

If I said I love you.
Maybe just, once more.
Could you still live
For even, One more day?

My heart is twisted, grabbed and pulled. Pieces carried away with each tear I shed.
Eyes suddenly well, I cannot manage to no longer appear as a lifeless form.
Knees buckle. I lose bones and structure, and crumble to the ground.
Moans of fowl ghouls crying from my lips.
I curl into a ball. And vomit from my pain.
Vulgar colours spill from my insides as
Each feeling releases itself after every heave.

I lift my head up, ceiling light glaring in my eyes.
Hands move to cover my damp face.
Sleeves covered in charcoal black from beauty melting away
With each and every ugly thought.

I lift my body to a kneel, and look at the luminous ball. Far above my body.
I breathe, I touch my slow beating heart.
You were the light of my life.
Light dies, it dims slowly over time.
Loss of luster may darken things,
But over time things will get brighter.
Things will get brighter.
I will get brighter.