Hearts Break, Smiles Fade

As I sit here, I am over come of thoughts of you.
Now, this may come to no surprise to you,
Seeing as how together, or apart we have influenced each others lives.
Secret admiration's, quite smitten, in love, broken hearts.
Dreading each others sight, thinking things we never had the guts to say.
Saying things we never meant to say.
And everything in between.


I should hate you.
For rising me up so high I could touch the stars.
I should hate you.
For letting me fall for you.
I should hate you.
For letting me get so close to you

I love you, and that is what stabs

Feelings confided in someone I wanted to save

Knight in Shining Armour, a loser in tin foil

A name tag across your chest should say

'Starting today, the rest of your life, will never be the same'

We all say things we dont mean.
We all believe in dreams that will never come true.
Fairy tales lack happy endings.
Not all love lasts.

hearts break
smiles fade.

Forever is a long time from now.

"Im going to love you forever"

"Forever is a long time from now"

"It isn't long enough"

It is a big deal.

I will never forget this, and maybe deep down somewhere, you want that.

I can't even pretend you aren't there, a part of me. When you so clearly are.

No rest, no break, no you.

Every migrane, that squeezes my brain in a nausiating pulse. Its you.

Every anxiety attack that strikes me in the middle of my classes, watching tv. Its you.

Every time I close my eyes and hoping for a night of relief, I just keep dreaming. Of you.

You changed your mind, you forgot. They play out over and over again and each time you end up kissing me, holding me close, and I can feel the warmth of your skin pressed against my chest.

Then I open my eyes, the light creeps in from the curtains, and I find I wake up crying.

It was just a dream. You werent really there, but your still right beside me.

I can still smell you. Did you know that?

You loved me, I sat there snuggled in your arms, on starry night in the middle of no where.

And at that moment I felt like everything wrong went right.

I sit here, shattered, trying to pick up the pieces, glue them back together into a mangled form of myself. I know I love you, I can feel it creeping through my veins like the poison you are.

I cant help but still be there. I promised to hold your hand through the good and the bad.

If you couldnt manage your next breath, I would be your air.

Yes, perhaps I still want to believe in fairy tales. That past my cynical heart there is still that bit of magic few of us rarely get the chance to find.

I count the days, the occurences, over and over again. Trying to find the line before where it went right to wrong.

One day you were drawing hearts and arrows across my leg, snuggling in your arms, saying you dont want to be apart from me, and that those who thought we wouldnt fix it were wrong.

The next I was there, holding your hand through my words, talking to you telling you that all of it was going to be okay. You replied telling me I was so good to you, and you love me more than anyone.

The next day I was not in the best of moods but instead of burdening you with my problems I just let you have fun drinking it up with your friends. Because I was unable to be there.

You wanted me to tell you everything because you couldnt have fun knowing I wasnt okay. You told me you loved me so much and that you wished I could have been there that night.

What went wrong.

Suddenly you never wanted me to speak to you again.

Suddenly I was stupid, annoying.

Suddenly there was someone else.

I should hate you, I should scream at you.

But I cant help but just fall apart and love you.

I am afraid, I was afraid, that everything I found good, would crumble under my toes and I couldnt find the floor. Maybe you were just as afraid.

Taunt

Somthing I have learned. Its life is short lived.

I may cry my eyes out and get over excited to my Greys Anatomy every day after 3oclock.

But life is short lived. I am seventeen, and in a moment, one wrong step, this moment would no longer exist. Looking back, I most certainly had regrets, thinking that if I had said somthing diffrent, did somthing different, I wouldnt be here now. I had regrets.

I realized, from observing and spending more time thinking than I probably should.

Everything does happen for a reason, often things we can not explain. But it does.

You have to take the good with the bad. You dont really realize everything you have till you have nothing at all.

If love, had not faded. Sure, I would probably still be there with you right now.

But really would that have been what made me happy?

Because sitting here right now, I dont think of you.

I think of him. I may have infact cared about you at one point, but not now.

Taunting me with her, trying to get a rise, a reaction.

You wont get one.

Because I love him. I think of him first when I wake up, and last when I go to sleep.

You cant haunt me because I have been haunting you.

Im being stronger, I cut you out.

Who are we really?

Who are we? Who are we really?

We put on those brave faces, the tough faces, the pretty faces. But is that really who we are?
Make up may cover the blemishes, but not the truth. A mask we portray.

Confidence, often we hate those cocky and so sure of themselves. But really, are they?

Are they secretly insecure, so UNsure of themselves they can barely contain it?

Who are we really.

Many people have surprised me, and its often those I never thought I could ever be surprised by. But I guess thats what a surprise is.

Those that we assume, lack knowledge and understanding, are sometimes the ones with the most sense. Through my experiences, the people that are commonly brushed aside are some of the most loyal and understanding individuals I have met.

Smoke it up, Drink it down.

These are not morals I support; a lifestyle I would choose.

But we all have our demons, are secretive ways to cope with the pain and distraught.

Who are we to judge that the right way to deal with what we feel,

Some drink, Some smoke, Some cut.

Who are we, to disapprove of pain.

The ones that appear to have it all, the looks, the abilities and the social status.

The ones their peers strive to be, an image, is an image. Simply an illusion.

They dream of being more, they wish to be so much less then they are, we all have our beliefs of who we are, despite how we present ourselves to the world.

Myself, I would say, I have no clue who I am.

People see me in a light, I don't see myself.

A beautiful, intelligent and unlike anyone else; I see myself, as normal, an average, who is klutzy and a lot of passion for what I believe in.

I don't have myself put together, with my procrastinations and unsureness.

I get emotional and upset at what I can not understand.

I understand my negative sides, the positive I only look past in disbelief.

Who are we really? The appearance or the core, I suppose it is a bit of both, only what we are and who we choose to be is the clash and the disbelief.

Who are we really, think about it for yourself. The 'It' girl as she strolls down the hall with her fake tan and designer jeans, or the 'Stoner' walking with swagger, a smoke behind his ear.

Who are they behind the image, and their own insecurities and their realities.

Lets step back and breath, we all have blood running through our veins, and the heart beating in our chest. Made of the same parts, We are all not that different from one other.

I'd rather feel something than nothing at all.

"Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know. "

-- Greys Anatomy


Holding on, Its something that I myself need to learn to let go. Relationships at this age many have said to me, Is it really worth all of the struggle. And through the heartbreak, hurt words, and misinterrupted feelings, I would still say Yes. Because even though at this moment, every inch of me aches. Not from physical impact, but from the words crushing and breaking every bone.

I would choose to go through it all to have that good.

Because in love, we make sacrafises. And I am sacrafising myself, my well being, every inch of sanity. All for love and affection, to have you caress my skin, kiss my forehead, held in your arms away from the world, away from its demons.


Tell me it's going to be okay. I won't ever need to be afraid again, we wont be back at this fork in the road between right and wrong.


Right can so easily lead to worse, and wrong can even more easily become unbearable.
I would choose to make it right. Because even though I know, it will end up
leading nowhere
but a dead end.
Id rather feel something than nothing at all.


I will love you, because even though its hurting me to care.
And breaking my heart to know that road from right to wrong its so close to my
finger tips but so uncontrollable, I will still always choose.
To love you.
Because Id rather feel something than nothing at all.

----
Im not breaking my promise, Im holding you to it not to break yours.

-----
funny how things change, and other things will always stay the same.

Wrote November 24th 2009

Good bye to the years.

I remember when I was younger, or when we were all younger. Never in our lives did we believe we would experience real pain. Not the broken arm or fractured ankle. But broken hearts.
The pain that never really goes away, the cuts that only scab.
At this moment, I feel emotional. So much seemed to have struck me in a matter of days. And now I'm overwhelmed, with no one to share the load. Though I'm only, barely, seventeen. I have realized so much, I observe. People may say 'things just go through my head', they are so wrong.
I take everything in, I remember everything that matters. Every perfect moment, every insulting word. Vaulted. I'm not so dim as you may take me as.

As I have sat here, on my couch, in my car, or laying in my bed till all hours of the night, heart beating at an pace I could never count. There is much I have thought about, obsessed over.
I put my whole heart into some people, the ones that really matter, and hope it does not get crushed. I could be overbearing, I could read to much into it, or not let it go.
But when you put your whole heart into something, would you not be the same way?
I have a big heart, I may make many mistakes, say stupid things, make a fool of myself, and be a royal pain. But I have a big heart. And when I say I love you. Part of me if not all of me, will love you for the rest of my life.

Goodbye high school. Goodbye to those that used to matter. Goodbye to me.

Final year. I have to grit and bare it, wait for my life to start. The bills, the responsibility, the agreement that your no longer mommy's little girl, you are your own woman.
Excitement stirs in my peers, when I'm casting a shadow.
And on that final day, when we throw our hats in the air, hug each other, and smile so wide our faces may split. Ill stand there and cry. I will walk through the halls letting my feet memorize the ground and my fingers hold onto the walls. So years from now, they will all know.
I was here. Part of me, will always be here.

Memories are fading, friendships are disappearing. What happened to friendship bracelets, secrets just our own, and best friends forever? It left with the night.
I may spill my heart to one person, and soon, five people know my confessions.
Assumptions made become the talk of the town, she is anorexic, she is bulimic, he is gay, he said he would only stay with her if she wore those kind of clothes, she is such a whore. True story. These are words that have filled my ears.

From young children, we were taught respect and discipline. Do what your told, and the bad wont come to you. Brush your teeth, eat your vegetables, clean your room. Now we all have a new type of cleaning up to do.

When in reality, we are all victims of the morals instilled in us. From our parents teachings, to that big purple dinosaur reffered to as Barney.
We all need to make our own mistakes to grow. You have to take the bad with the good, the break ups, the bad times, the arguments. Tears your swimming in, anger your lost in.
Errors, help with our corrections. Make us stronger, make us weaker.

" I love to do the things the censors won't pass."
" If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere."
" Well behaved women rarely make history "
~ Marilyn Monroe

What happened to our regard, and self respect.
Girls striving to be thin, counting calories, lessing meals every day. I myself, know I have become a victim of this horror.

Caught up on apperances, what we should be, whether than who we are.
Yourself isnt good enough, be more like him, strive to be like her.
Soon we will no longer be a race of individuals, but only a cult of clones.


Good bye to individuality. Good bye to what we once knew. Good bye to innocence.

Good bye to the years
Hello to the horror.

To the friendships that fall apart

I originally sent this to my friend Cole. But then reading it again, its something I wish to say to everyone who touched my life, but isn't really apart of it anymore.
So this is the version, going out to everyone who means something. Because it is to all of you.

You know, I know I have said this over and over again. But really, I miss you. I miss how tight we used to be. Talking late night for hours, jokes that never got old. I miss being best friends, now when we pass through the halls its like we don't even know each other.
I know we are all growing into different people and growing apart from what was once familiar. And in this final year, I feel that if we aren't connecting now, when we are so able to, with school and easy to access technology. We never really will again.

Losing the people that meant the most to me, and have impacted my life in such a way through the good and the bad, scares me.
Because its like I'm loosing a piece of myself. A piece that through the years, hours, and minutes. You helped create.

I just miss you. You and I always hit it off, we always clicked right from the start.
This isn't a love letter as I'm quite sure you know that. But just knowing, once we were always there for each other, laughing till we cried, talking through each other through the break ups, the hard times, or what we just weren't sure of. And now, I have to look at you like a stranger.
Because I'm scared in time, that's all we will be.

I just needed to say that, I'm not expecting it to change anything, or you to reply saying I'm sorry and things to go back to how they were.
I just figured. I need to say it all, because I may never get the chance to really say it again.

I love you.
You've always been one of my favorite people
I know Ill never forget you.

I hope you never forget me either.
No matter what happens, or what doesn't.
You'll always be one of those people that helped make me who I am
and who I'll always be glad to call my friend.

Hearts hold a million memories, you make a million and one.

If a girl holds on longer than she wants to. Longer than you think she should. Maybe it was because she thought you were going to be the one that would count. Maybe because holding onto you at least gave her a piece of a feeling your not completely gone. Maybe she plays your face over and over again before she goes to sleep hoping it will be the first thing she sees the next morning. Maybe the reason she mentions you every day, or talks about you like you never left, is because she hoping she wont have to talk about everything in past tense. She wont have to forget, she wont have to let those memories go. That maybe they will happen again and again. Maybe she cry's more than she should because it hurts more than it should. Maybe she wont let herself cry because she wants to think their shouldn't be a reason. Maybe she holds onto you so hard that maybe in fear if she let you go, even just an inch. She is losing you all together.
And maybe I'm holding onto you so hard, because I love you. And maybe I come so close to crying, but never do because i know you never want to see my cry. I think about you so much hoping that it wont just be lying to mind. That you didn't mean what you said. Maybe I refuse to forget you because I refuse for you to forget me. I play out our potential like a broken record, because I'm hoping that if I'm laying out the path, we just might follow it. And maybe its because, I see something in you that's different then all the rest, a piece of my never ending puzzle. I know you better and see you in the brightest light then all the rest. Maybe because I'm a fighter, and you are battle I promise myself to beat. I'm tried of pretending and trying to fool myself with what everyone says, when they say you aren't worth it, when deep down, I know you are.

These Pretty Eyes, will always be Pretty for you.

Pretty eyes will always stay pretty for you.
I will never let you go, and I will catch you when you fall.
Clover imprinted in the pages, a promise I swear to keep.
Take me from my poisons and feed me your heart.
I have all the love to give.

Breakfast at noon, virtual fighters.
Snuggled under the covers, for beautiful moments that felt like hours.
Lip Lock, Kiss and Tell.
Rivers and Trees, Lighters.
Ants can mean destruction.
Play me, my heart on your electric guitar,
Skin that can touch and rub, Trains drive by at a pace I cant compare.

Ill give you my love on paper, and show you with my eyes.
Groggy mornings, sleepless nights.
I thought of you at 3'oclock in the morning, like you did that night.
Rusty slides and squeaky swings.
Sushi was not your favorite thing.
Black polyester; green grass stains.

I never felt like this before.
Ill carry you up a mountain and walk you back home.
Wake up to your face, clothes I cant find.
Mothers eyes seeing more than they should see.
You and Me.

Mr G's, railroad tracks
Ben and Jerry's on a sunday afternoon.
Garage sales that never came, Parks that happened our way.
Cause' Maybe your gonna be the one that saves me

Baseball fields and ripped up jeans.
Chocolate Chillates, Sprite and water,
Star Wars and salad.
Home away from home; wrapped up in you.

Your just my little girl, and your just my boy.
My heart in your hands, my palms on your chest.
Napoleon Dynamite; Pepper mint patties.
Webcam dysfunction, girls with eyes of envy.
Burgers and Shaving cream.
Blackberrys and Bubble Gum.
Hearts hold a million memories, you make a million and one

Im going to miss you so much when Im gone.
Through the hard times baby, I swear I have got it all.
I promised, I would never let you fall.


And when Im alone with the nights I cant remember, I wish I was in your arms.
cause after all, your my Wonderwall.


--------
Im not giving up with out a fight.
Because my heart holds you with each inch.
And your the one I cant forget.

Let lips never leave

If someone came up to me and stated that you were the scum of the earth.
I would have to disagree, because even though hearts were broken.
You were worth it to me.

If I could say a million words, and say them just for you.
I would probably choose to tell you everything, that I had felt and wanted with you.
Days can be so trivial, to compare them to what I believed.
Conquer the highest mountain, and let lips never leave.

Brown eyes so deep I fell into each time,your scent that lingers,
touch so tender and breath so warm.
I remember how it felt to know, when days were tough. I had a home away from home.
Safely tucked in your arms. Evil's fade away, lips on my forehead. Words in my ear.
Falling
Falling
Falling

I want to stay up till way past midnight counting the stars from when, then and each
time in between. Lay on our backs when the sky is black and blue thinking about all
the dreams I thought I could have had with you.
I cant help but feel that honestly, I love you.

Through madness and insanity. I will still wait for seconds to pass and the faith I have in you to become my present.
Because I can't live, remembering everything we once and truly had.
Pretty Eyes that shine, only for you.
Pretty Eyes that will always stay pretty for you.

Wrote on July 12, 2009

The hopeless romantic.

I realize, that lately I have not met my creativity potential.
Words have been tumbling in my mind like an old dryer sheet.
To just maybe possibly explain the things I have been feeling, and the conclusions I have come to.
And here is one, and I mostly came to a different level of understanding when I was having a conversation with my friend Robert Young.

Even when you are not romantically involved. You are involved of the drama of it.
Because Love (or the illusion of it, that our minds have created a long ever-lasting goal to find and accomplish) is everywhere. I am also currently having a conversation with my dear friend Stuart, and he is feeling worried sick that a young man is going to grope and woo his woman.
The drama of love is that even when we are not involved, I think that secretly, we all seek to be part of its cycle. The lust, love and heartbreak. Because it makes us feel complete as human beings to know that our heart gives us an adrenaline rush, head over heels. 'Twitter pated' as once explained by Owl in Bambi, feeling.
And there for, we are all part of this sad, disappointing, depressing notion that love is a necessity in life, and we can not just be simply happy with ourselves.
Causing a drama to overwhelm us, if we are not feeling love. Making us, the pathetic, incredibly dependent human species to feel lonely and 'incomplete'.
Though if you are in a relationship you either feel completely star struck and so oblivious to the fact that in the end your world will crumble and Mr./Miss Fantastic is actually the scum that is giving you the emotion of tearing your heart out. So at least you do not have to feel.
Or you are comparing your relationship to how YOU want it, or how it SHOULD be.
Bantering about all the flaws to your significant other or everyone else standing around.
Because 'love' was just not satisfying enough to enjoy what you have.

And then of coarse, there is the most pathetic. The hopeless romantic.
When no matter everything you know about love, how much it hurts. You still keep coming back.
When you know, that he/she wont be your everything, and you will feel like you were kicked down the stairs, but to you. One more moment with them, is better than having had nothing at all. This where we make our horrible mistake. Because we keep believing and believing in dreams that will never come true. And our hopeless, romantic hearts, turn bitter and stone cold.
Because when once trusting everyone, your heart in their hands.

You learned to trust no one, not even yourself because you let yourself fall, and you blame yourself for crashing.

How stupid of you, to think that perhaps. Love was worth your while.


Love defines us, for if we can not escape it, it must be part of us because no matter where you go you have to live with yourself.
- Robert Young

Behind the reality, shows who you really are.

Lies Lies Lies.
Did you think that I would never know?
Did you think it didn't cross my mind each day the promises you swore to keep?
The words you guarded with your life.
Did you not believe me when I said I wouldn't look back?

Pain of the heart, your big brown eyes, your sweet smile.
The face that I fall for each day.
A twist and tear in my gut. The voice that tickles behind my heart, lips of an angel.
A midnight conversation of tears and screams. Termites drilling in my brain.

Lies Lies Lies.
Behind the reality; shows who you really are.
A moment in time where illusion beat my cold soul.
The back hand slap to the words I confided, the feelings I put on the table.
My best hand of poker.
Love games,

Hand to Heart.
I love with each inch. But I forgive so much smaller.
I am holding out for a hero; and ill wait till the edge of forever.
An eye for an eye. You tear me apart.
Words lacking truth, searching for confidence.

Worlds Apart.
Hand to my Heart.
Lies. Lies. Lies.

I will always remeber, what I can never forget.

When I am 85, and I am striving for my next breath, I hope I look back and have fond memories of you.
Those moments we danced under the starry sky, with our past and future dazzling above us.
The times were we sat in the rain, dreaming of the moments we have yet to embrace.
When each time you took my breath away you gave it right back, sealed with your tender touch.
That time where all you demanded of me was to stare into my eyes, and let yourself fall into the love you had for me
I hope that I will remember when my tears were your pain, and your heart was in my hands.
Those days where all we did was play go-fish and count the summer days away.
When I was your only one, the treasure tucked away in cracks of your heart.
The key thrown away, and a lock made of steel.
I hope Ill remember what it felt like to love you with every fiber of my being, and to know you always cared.


I hope the past wont haunt me. Images of memories left behind, fluttering behind closed eyes.

I hope I wont remember the times you cut me so deep, my blood was thicker than my pain.
I hope I wont remember those times you pushed me away, turned your back and walked the other way.
I hope I will forget the promises made, that you threw out the window.
I hope I forget, that you took me for granted.
I hope It wont haunt me, that you did not care, and I loved with my whole heart.

I hope you really wont forget.

Because though, when I am 85 and striving for my next breath.
I know babe, I will always remember you.

Light

I try and catch a breath, but I do not have the strength to breathe. I try to have a heart, but I do not have the courage to live. My eyes do not blink, my eyes do not stare.
I do not wish to see.
My hands slowly grip my knees as I rock slowly back and forth. Perhaps the fetal position may not make the stabbing depression in my gut hurt as severe.
I am silent, a vegetable, the undead, but not quite living.

Mind is gripping structures, but sweaty palms slide down my textured mental walls
Maybe, you are still alive.
Maybe it is all a demented form of joke.
An inside plan to teach me a life lesson.
Or maybe,
You just went away for a while.

You will be back. You promised you would never leave.
A commandment etched in stone.

I manage to lurch my body to a stand, and take a few baby steps.
Wobbly, and uncertain.

I hear a voice, my peripheral vision spots an image, not so far behind.
Could it be your call? Could it be your figure?
I sense my heart, I feel a spark lit behind life less eyes.
I turn; a welcoming smile spreads across my pale lifeless cheeks.
Though it is your image I wish to greet.
Nothing more than a filmstrip of memory, playing before my grief stricken eyes.
A mockery of the mind.

I turn, and stand for moment, hands wrapping around my body, nails snagging skin.
Holding myself together.
Black demons soaring through cells remind, and repeat, what I long to forget.

If I said I love you.
Maybe just, once more.
Could you still live
For even, One more day?

My heart is twisted, grabbed and pulled. Pieces carried away with each tear I shed.
Eyes suddenly well, I cannot manage to no longer appear as a lifeless form.
Knees buckle. I lose bones and structure, and crumble to the ground.
Moans of fowl ghouls crying from my lips.
I curl into a ball. And vomit from my pain.
Vulgar colours spill from my insides as
Each feeling releases itself after every heave.

I lift my head up, ceiling light glaring in my eyes.
Hands move to cover my damp face.
Sleeves covered in charcoal black from beauty melting away
With each and every ugly thought.

I lift my body to a kneel, and look at the luminous ball. Far above my body.
I breathe, I touch my slow beating heart.
You were the light of my life.
Light dies, it dims slowly over time.
Loss of luster may darken things,
But over time things will get brighter.
Things will get brighter.
I will get brighter.

Reflection

Reflection

Is this me? The mirror in which reflects my self a lie, or an illusion?
The smile you hide behind.
Your eyes, the windows of your soul.
Your hands that quiver, your lips that cringe.
The fabric clinging to your skin.
A poser, prep, emo, without label?
A girl, invisible. Lost within herself.


Tears for you, a smile for him, a laugh for those that don’t understand.
Hiding yourself from the monster you think you’ve become.

A roll there, scars there. Imperfection. Ugly.
Curse the body you walk in. Curse the point of living.

Cry
Cry
Cry

A mirror, Two sides. Reflection of your views.
Who is hiding behind those eyes?
The illusion. The lie.

To the one I once knew

To the one I once knew

Those days of glee and joy, we know, no more.
A laugh, a smile, came across her sweet face
Purely and with Purpose.
She was lovely, admired by those for the traits she never let go.
Curses never left her lips, French braids and Pig tails.
The apple of her mothers eye.
The fights that never came.
The friends that never left.
Innocent and soft spoken
Hurt blanketed in cracks of her heart.
Hidden away for other times.
Hearts whole, mistakes unspoken.


I miss her.

My love will last a life time.

Baby, don't fake a smile with me, I can see through those eyes of mercy.
A laugh let out from a clasped throat, a compliment released from the foot of death's door.
Don't try to play beautiful when the ugly bubbles under your flesh.
Sweetheart, don't try to be nieve, i have seen the side that no one knows, the darkness that casts your shadow.
Those puppy dog eyes cant win the heart in which you once had, your deceitful stench has killed the last living part of me.

Ive looked back on my ghosts of the past and searched the lost parts of my brain to remember when. When love was brilliant and alive. Oh be no fool, I have soul searched the world to find someone like you. Busting down doors and breaking window panes to be the one you wanted me to be. Baby, why can't I just be me?

Ive played pretend and gazed in magazines for secrets to crack through the moments of my solitude. To let myself love you, to let myself hate you.

Honey, break free from your curses and open your heart wide. Ive been down that road, I have seen all the sides. I know each twist and turn, those forks in the road, where everything is unsure, no where to go.

Let me breath in your love and stare at your light. Remeber when each moment, was once alright.

But babe, what once was, was then. And now sweetheart, these words are final in which my lips speak, the end is our end, but my love will last a life time.

Sweet face, your beautiful

Dear sweetface.

You don't know my name, nor do I know yours. I don't know your favorite colour, your age, even if your from my polluted hometown I sit in right now.
But sweetface, your beautiful.

You don't know me, but baby, I bet I know you. I bet your eyes match your heart, sweet and sincere. Your arms can hold the weight of your girls chaotic world, and still have room for a bit more. I bet you love with every inch of your skin, and never forget a word you said. I bet your there each time its tough, get on your knees and dig down deep. I bet you would wipe away the tears she would cry for the stresses that tear away her life. Babe, I bet I know.

I bet you show how you feel, in the most brilliant of ways. Open wide to the one that counts.
I bet that your unstoppable for her, push her against a wall and whisper in her ear that she is the one that matters. Life can be put on hold, just to make a moment.
Oh sweetface, I bet I know.

I bet you jam out to those tunes in your old red chevy and buy a cup of tim hortons coffee every saturday morning. I bet your the strong type, in character and in life. I bet you have the lips of an angel, and touch just as tender. I bet your tawny skin is perfect piano keys next to hers. Your own ebony and ivory. I bet you love with your whole heart, and just for her, not left for pickup on the side of the interstate. I bet you appreciate innocence, and keep it with yourself.
I bet you know respect like the back of your hand and can hold it gently but with a grip so it wont fly away. A butterfly in your hands.
I bet your all that matters and more, Baby I bet your it all.

But what I do know sweetface, your beautiful.

Blind your mind and Open your eyes

Love is full of cruelties, each corner you turn leads to countless endless roads of possibilities. Some good and some bad. One path could lead you to a house in the Hamptons, or could have you in a custody battle and dealing with alimony.
As a teenage girl, and through my younger infant days, since the age of three. Ive idolized the male sex.
Their charm, appearance, the clothes they wear, the scent they carry. Crush's, love and heartbreak. I have experienced the ups and downs in this risky business of the heart.

Movies, as we also know, are a huge participant in advertising.
Broadcasting anything to it's viewers. Hair styles, clothing trends, the ideal car, and even Starbucks coffee.
But also, most importantly. Love.

From the disney fairy tales we have come to adore, to box office blowers (The Notebook, Shrek, Pretty Woman).
They have fabricated our illusion of love, set our standards to the extreme.
That our prince will come galloping on his horse, save us during out time of need.
And he will just so happen to be amazingly good looking, a perfect gentleman, good fortune,
no mental, emotional or physical problems, understands you, and just so happens to want you.

Life rarely results in such a way.

Ariel and the Little Mermaid,
Ariel found and married her prince charming. Eric was a dream come true in the eyes of hundreds of little girls, feasting their eyes at his wonder.
But all we know, is that they were married, had a daughter, and life supposedly turned our just ducky. But what if, Eric turned into a sick workaholic lunatic who needed extra loving from his secretary?

What if Cinderella had to many mental and emotional problems from her years of abuse that the charming, glass slipper searching, Prince, just could not handle? What if he just began to fall out of love with her? She was not the girl he thought she should be.

What if snow white's daring and dashing man turned out to be gay? And he just picked the most charming person he could find. Maybe he chose her because she had the same loving features his mother had? What if he refused to touch her in years?
What if snow white felt so angry one night, she resulted to murder?

Even the modern day movies,
Pretty woman. When you base the story line, Richard Geere is actually a very grotesque man.
He is paying for a hooker to have sexual intercourse with. And then happens to fall in love, after the coarse of a week.

The after math, the big picture, that is what is important.
It has brainwashed our society. Expecting more.
Edward Cullen, is a prime example of a man far above expectations.
I have come to gather, that the Twilight series novels, would not nearly even be popular
if Edward was not a desirable character. He makes you want him.

A real true love relationship, can not happen in two days. That is not love.
If someone is to perfect, they could be trying to be your perfect person, molding themselves to what you want. But for the wrong reasons. Your relationship would be a lie.
Even most beautiful of faces have a downfall. Do not try to make your standards so high, no man or woman can reach them. You will never find happiness, because you wont be able to let yourself be happy.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

'We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly'