The hopeless romantic.

I realize, that lately I have not met my creativity potential.
Words have been tumbling in my mind like an old dryer sheet.
To just maybe possibly explain the things I have been feeling, and the conclusions I have come to.
And here is one, and I mostly came to a different level of understanding when I was having a conversation with my friend Robert Young.

Even when you are not romantically involved. You are involved of the drama of it.
Because Love (or the illusion of it, that our minds have created a long ever-lasting goal to find and accomplish) is everywhere. I am also currently having a conversation with my dear friend Stuart, and he is feeling worried sick that a young man is going to grope and woo his woman.
The drama of love is that even when we are not involved, I think that secretly, we all seek to be part of its cycle. The lust, love and heartbreak. Because it makes us feel complete as human beings to know that our heart gives us an adrenaline rush, head over heels. 'Twitter pated' as once explained by Owl in Bambi, feeling.
And there for, we are all part of this sad, disappointing, depressing notion that love is a necessity in life, and we can not just be simply happy with ourselves.
Causing a drama to overwhelm us, if we are not feeling love. Making us, the pathetic, incredibly dependent human species to feel lonely and 'incomplete'.
Though if you are in a relationship you either feel completely star struck and so oblivious to the fact that in the end your world will crumble and Mr./Miss Fantastic is actually the scum that is giving you the emotion of tearing your heart out. So at least you do not have to feel.
Or you are comparing your relationship to how YOU want it, or how it SHOULD be.
Bantering about all the flaws to your significant other or everyone else standing around.
Because 'love' was just not satisfying enough to enjoy what you have.

And then of coarse, there is the most pathetic. The hopeless romantic.
When no matter everything you know about love, how much it hurts. You still keep coming back.
When you know, that he/she wont be your everything, and you will feel like you were kicked down the stairs, but to you. One more moment with them, is better than having had nothing at all. This where we make our horrible mistake. Because we keep believing and believing in dreams that will never come true. And our hopeless, romantic hearts, turn bitter and stone cold.
Because when once trusting everyone, your heart in their hands.

You learned to trust no one, not even yourself because you let yourself fall, and you blame yourself for crashing.

How stupid of you, to think that perhaps. Love was worth your while.


Love defines us, for if we can not escape it, it must be part of us because no matter where you go you have to live with yourself.
- Robert Young

Behind the reality, shows who you really are.

Lies Lies Lies.
Did you think that I would never know?
Did you think it didn't cross my mind each day the promises you swore to keep?
The words you guarded with your life.
Did you not believe me when I said I wouldn't look back?

Pain of the heart, your big brown eyes, your sweet smile.
The face that I fall for each day.
A twist and tear in my gut. The voice that tickles behind my heart, lips of an angel.
A midnight conversation of tears and screams. Termites drilling in my brain.

Lies Lies Lies.
Behind the reality; shows who you really are.
A moment in time where illusion beat my cold soul.
The back hand slap to the words I confided, the feelings I put on the table.
My best hand of poker.
Love games,

Hand to Heart.
I love with each inch. But I forgive so much smaller.
I am holding out for a hero; and ill wait till the edge of forever.
An eye for an eye. You tear me apart.
Words lacking truth, searching for confidence.

Worlds Apart.
Hand to my Heart.
Lies. Lies. Lies.

I will always remeber, what I can never forget.

When I am 85, and I am striving for my next breath, I hope I look back and have fond memories of you.
Those moments we danced under the starry sky, with our past and future dazzling above us.
The times were we sat in the rain, dreaming of the moments we have yet to embrace.
When each time you took my breath away you gave it right back, sealed with your tender touch.
That time where all you demanded of me was to stare into my eyes, and let yourself fall into the love you had for me
I hope that I will remember when my tears were your pain, and your heart was in my hands.
Those days where all we did was play go-fish and count the summer days away.
When I was your only one, the treasure tucked away in cracks of your heart.
The key thrown away, and a lock made of steel.
I hope Ill remember what it felt like to love you with every fiber of my being, and to know you always cared.


I hope the past wont haunt me. Images of memories left behind, fluttering behind closed eyes.

I hope I wont remember the times you cut me so deep, my blood was thicker than my pain.
I hope I wont remember those times you pushed me away, turned your back and walked the other way.
I hope I will forget the promises made, that you threw out the window.
I hope I forget, that you took me for granted.
I hope It wont haunt me, that you did not care, and I loved with my whole heart.

I hope you really wont forget.

Because though, when I am 85 and striving for my next breath.
I know babe, I will always remember you.

My love will last a life time.

Baby, don't fake a smile with me, I can see through those eyes of mercy.
A laugh let out from a clasped throat, a compliment released from the foot of death's door.
Don't try to play beautiful when the ugly bubbles under your flesh.
Sweetheart, don't try to be nieve, i have seen the side that no one knows, the darkness that casts your shadow.
Those puppy dog eyes cant win the heart in which you once had, your deceitful stench has killed the last living part of me.

Ive looked back on my ghosts of the past and searched the lost parts of my brain to remember when. When love was brilliant and alive. Oh be no fool, I have soul searched the world to find someone like you. Busting down doors and breaking window panes to be the one you wanted me to be. Baby, why can't I just be me?

Ive played pretend and gazed in magazines for secrets to crack through the moments of my solitude. To let myself love you, to let myself hate you.

Honey, break free from your curses and open your heart wide. Ive been down that road, I have seen all the sides. I know each twist and turn, those forks in the road, where everything is unsure, no where to go.

Let me breath in your love and stare at your light. Remeber when each moment, was once alright.

But babe, what once was, was then. And now sweetheart, these words are final in which my lips speak, the end is our end, but my love will last a life time.

Blind your mind and Open your eyes

Love is full of cruelties, each corner you turn leads to countless endless roads of possibilities. Some good and some bad. One path could lead you to a house in the Hamptons, or could have you in a custody battle and dealing with alimony.
As a teenage girl, and through my younger infant days, since the age of three. Ive idolized the male sex.
Their charm, appearance, the clothes they wear, the scent they carry. Crush's, love and heartbreak. I have experienced the ups and downs in this risky business of the heart.

Movies, as we also know, are a huge participant in advertising.
Broadcasting anything to it's viewers. Hair styles, clothing trends, the ideal car, and even Starbucks coffee.
But also, most importantly. Love.

From the disney fairy tales we have come to adore, to box office blowers (The Notebook, Shrek, Pretty Woman).
They have fabricated our illusion of love, set our standards to the extreme.
That our prince will come galloping on his horse, save us during out time of need.
And he will just so happen to be amazingly good looking, a perfect gentleman, good fortune,
no mental, emotional or physical problems, understands you, and just so happens to want you.

Life rarely results in such a way.

Ariel and the Little Mermaid,
Ariel found and married her prince charming. Eric was a dream come true in the eyes of hundreds of little girls, feasting their eyes at his wonder.
But all we know, is that they were married, had a daughter, and life supposedly turned our just ducky. But what if, Eric turned into a sick workaholic lunatic who needed extra loving from his secretary?

What if Cinderella had to many mental and emotional problems from her years of abuse that the charming, glass slipper searching, Prince, just could not handle? What if he just began to fall out of love with her? She was not the girl he thought she should be.

What if snow white's daring and dashing man turned out to be gay? And he just picked the most charming person he could find. Maybe he chose her because she had the same loving features his mother had? What if he refused to touch her in years?
What if snow white felt so angry one night, she resulted to murder?

Even the modern day movies,
Pretty woman. When you base the story line, Richard Geere is actually a very grotesque man.
He is paying for a hooker to have sexual intercourse with. And then happens to fall in love, after the coarse of a week.

The after math, the big picture, that is what is important.
It has brainwashed our society. Expecting more.
Edward Cullen, is a prime example of a man far above expectations.
I have come to gather, that the Twilight series novels, would not nearly even be popular
if Edward was not a desirable character. He makes you want him.

A real true love relationship, can not happen in two days. That is not love.
If someone is to perfect, they could be trying to be your perfect person, molding themselves to what you want. But for the wrong reasons. Your relationship would be a lie.
Even most beautiful of faces have a downfall. Do not try to make your standards so high, no man or woman can reach them. You will never find happiness, because you wont be able to let yourself be happy.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

'We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly'