I will always remeber, what I can never forget.

When I am 85, and I am striving for my next breath, I hope I look back and have fond memories of you.
Those moments we danced under the starry sky, with our past and future dazzling above us.
The times were we sat in the rain, dreaming of the moments we have yet to embrace.
When each time you took my breath away you gave it right back, sealed with your tender touch.
That time where all you demanded of me was to stare into my eyes, and let yourself fall into the love you had for me
I hope that I will remember when my tears were your pain, and your heart was in my hands.
Those days where all we did was play go-fish and count the summer days away.
When I was your only one, the treasure tucked away in cracks of your heart.
The key thrown away, and a lock made of steel.
I hope Ill remember what it felt like to love you with every fiber of my being, and to know you always cared.


I hope the past wont haunt me. Images of memories left behind, fluttering behind closed eyes.

I hope I wont remember the times you cut me so deep, my blood was thicker than my pain.
I hope I wont remember those times you pushed me away, turned your back and walked the other way.
I hope I will forget the promises made, that you threw out the window.
I hope I forget, that you took me for granted.
I hope It wont haunt me, that you did not care, and I loved with my whole heart.

I hope you really wont forget.

Because though, when I am 85 and striving for my next breath.
I know babe, I will always remember you.

Light

I try and catch a breath, but I do not have the strength to breathe. I try to have a heart, but I do not have the courage to live. My eyes do not blink, my eyes do not stare.
I do not wish to see.
My hands slowly grip my knees as I rock slowly back and forth. Perhaps the fetal position may not make the stabbing depression in my gut hurt as severe.
I am silent, a vegetable, the undead, but not quite living.

Mind is gripping structures, but sweaty palms slide down my textured mental walls
Maybe, you are still alive.
Maybe it is all a demented form of joke.
An inside plan to teach me a life lesson.
Or maybe,
You just went away for a while.

You will be back. You promised you would never leave.
A commandment etched in stone.

I manage to lurch my body to a stand, and take a few baby steps.
Wobbly, and uncertain.

I hear a voice, my peripheral vision spots an image, not so far behind.
Could it be your call? Could it be your figure?
I sense my heart, I feel a spark lit behind life less eyes.
I turn; a welcoming smile spreads across my pale lifeless cheeks.
Though it is your image I wish to greet.
Nothing more than a filmstrip of memory, playing before my grief stricken eyes.
A mockery of the mind.

I turn, and stand for moment, hands wrapping around my body, nails snagging skin.
Holding myself together.
Black demons soaring through cells remind, and repeat, what I long to forget.

If I said I love you.
Maybe just, once more.
Could you still live
For even, One more day?

My heart is twisted, grabbed and pulled. Pieces carried away with each tear I shed.
Eyes suddenly well, I cannot manage to no longer appear as a lifeless form.
Knees buckle. I lose bones and structure, and crumble to the ground.
Moans of fowl ghouls crying from my lips.
I curl into a ball. And vomit from my pain.
Vulgar colours spill from my insides as
Each feeling releases itself after every heave.

I lift my head up, ceiling light glaring in my eyes.
Hands move to cover my damp face.
Sleeves covered in charcoal black from beauty melting away
With each and every ugly thought.

I lift my body to a kneel, and look at the luminous ball. Far above my body.
I breathe, I touch my slow beating heart.
You were the light of my life.
Light dies, it dims slowly over time.
Loss of luster may darken things,
But over time things will get brighter.
Things will get brighter.
I will get brighter.

Reflection

Reflection

Is this me? The mirror in which reflects my self a lie, or an illusion?
The smile you hide behind.
Your eyes, the windows of your soul.
Your hands that quiver, your lips that cringe.
The fabric clinging to your skin.
A poser, prep, emo, without label?
A girl, invisible. Lost within herself.


Tears for you, a smile for him, a laugh for those that don’t understand.
Hiding yourself from the monster you think you’ve become.

A roll there, scars there. Imperfection. Ugly.
Curse the body you walk in. Curse the point of living.

Cry
Cry
Cry

A mirror, Two sides. Reflection of your views.
Who is hiding behind those eyes?
The illusion. The lie.

To the one I once knew

To the one I once knew

Those days of glee and joy, we know, no more.
A laugh, a smile, came across her sweet face
Purely and with Purpose.
She was lovely, admired by those for the traits she never let go.
Curses never left her lips, French braids and Pig tails.
The apple of her mothers eye.
The fights that never came.
The friends that never left.
Innocent and soft spoken
Hurt blanketed in cracks of her heart.
Hidden away for other times.
Hearts whole, mistakes unspoken.


I miss her.

My love will last a life time.

Baby, don't fake a smile with me, I can see through those eyes of mercy.
A laugh let out from a clasped throat, a compliment released from the foot of death's door.
Don't try to play beautiful when the ugly bubbles under your flesh.
Sweetheart, don't try to be nieve, i have seen the side that no one knows, the darkness that casts your shadow.
Those puppy dog eyes cant win the heart in which you once had, your deceitful stench has killed the last living part of me.

Ive looked back on my ghosts of the past and searched the lost parts of my brain to remember when. When love was brilliant and alive. Oh be no fool, I have soul searched the world to find someone like you. Busting down doors and breaking window panes to be the one you wanted me to be. Baby, why can't I just be me?

Ive played pretend and gazed in magazines for secrets to crack through the moments of my solitude. To let myself love you, to let myself hate you.

Honey, break free from your curses and open your heart wide. Ive been down that road, I have seen all the sides. I know each twist and turn, those forks in the road, where everything is unsure, no where to go.

Let me breath in your love and stare at your light. Remeber when each moment, was once alright.

But babe, what once was, was then. And now sweetheart, these words are final in which my lips speak, the end is our end, but my love will last a life time.

Sweet face, your beautiful

Dear sweetface.

You don't know my name, nor do I know yours. I don't know your favorite colour, your age, even if your from my polluted hometown I sit in right now.
But sweetface, your beautiful.

You don't know me, but baby, I bet I know you. I bet your eyes match your heart, sweet and sincere. Your arms can hold the weight of your girls chaotic world, and still have room for a bit more. I bet you love with every inch of your skin, and never forget a word you said. I bet your there each time its tough, get on your knees and dig down deep. I bet you would wipe away the tears she would cry for the stresses that tear away her life. Babe, I bet I know.

I bet you show how you feel, in the most brilliant of ways. Open wide to the one that counts.
I bet that your unstoppable for her, push her against a wall and whisper in her ear that she is the one that matters. Life can be put on hold, just to make a moment.
Oh sweetface, I bet I know.

I bet you jam out to those tunes in your old red chevy and buy a cup of tim hortons coffee every saturday morning. I bet your the strong type, in character and in life. I bet you have the lips of an angel, and touch just as tender. I bet your tawny skin is perfect piano keys next to hers. Your own ebony and ivory. I bet you love with your whole heart, and just for her, not left for pickup on the side of the interstate. I bet you appreciate innocence, and keep it with yourself.
I bet you know respect like the back of your hand and can hold it gently but with a grip so it wont fly away. A butterfly in your hands.
I bet your all that matters and more, Baby I bet your it all.

But what I do know sweetface, your beautiful.

Blind your mind and Open your eyes

Love is full of cruelties, each corner you turn leads to countless endless roads of possibilities. Some good and some bad. One path could lead you to a house in the Hamptons, or could have you in a custody battle and dealing with alimony.
As a teenage girl, and through my younger infant days, since the age of three. Ive idolized the male sex.
Their charm, appearance, the clothes they wear, the scent they carry. Crush's, love and heartbreak. I have experienced the ups and downs in this risky business of the heart.

Movies, as we also know, are a huge participant in advertising.
Broadcasting anything to it's viewers. Hair styles, clothing trends, the ideal car, and even Starbucks coffee.
But also, most importantly. Love.

From the disney fairy tales we have come to adore, to box office blowers (The Notebook, Shrek, Pretty Woman).
They have fabricated our illusion of love, set our standards to the extreme.
That our prince will come galloping on his horse, save us during out time of need.
And he will just so happen to be amazingly good looking, a perfect gentleman, good fortune,
no mental, emotional or physical problems, understands you, and just so happens to want you.

Life rarely results in such a way.

Ariel and the Little Mermaid,
Ariel found and married her prince charming. Eric was a dream come true in the eyes of hundreds of little girls, feasting their eyes at his wonder.
But all we know, is that they were married, had a daughter, and life supposedly turned our just ducky. But what if, Eric turned into a sick workaholic lunatic who needed extra loving from his secretary?

What if Cinderella had to many mental and emotional problems from her years of abuse that the charming, glass slipper searching, Prince, just could not handle? What if he just began to fall out of love with her? She was not the girl he thought she should be.

What if snow white's daring and dashing man turned out to be gay? And he just picked the most charming person he could find. Maybe he chose her because she had the same loving features his mother had? What if he refused to touch her in years?
What if snow white felt so angry one night, she resulted to murder?

Even the modern day movies,
Pretty woman. When you base the story line, Richard Geere is actually a very grotesque man.
He is paying for a hooker to have sexual intercourse with. And then happens to fall in love, after the coarse of a week.

The after math, the big picture, that is what is important.
It has brainwashed our society. Expecting more.
Edward Cullen, is a prime example of a man far above expectations.
I have come to gather, that the Twilight series novels, would not nearly even be popular
if Edward was not a desirable character. He makes you want him.

A real true love relationship, can not happen in two days. That is not love.
If someone is to perfect, they could be trying to be your perfect person, molding themselves to what you want. But for the wrong reasons. Your relationship would be a lie.
Even most beautiful of faces have a downfall. Do not try to make your standards so high, no man or woman can reach them. You will never find happiness, because you wont be able to let yourself be happy.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

'We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly'