Hey there my Knight, am I still the Princess of this Fairy Tale?

Hey blog, I am sorry I have been neglecting you.
But right now I dont know where to turn.

I have to send in my college app. tomorrow, and I do want to go to post secondary. But i dont want to go there, I want to go somewhere that I feel good about going to. I know where I wanna go, and I know where I want to be. But it isnt anywhere near here, in so many ways.

I feel like crumbling, but im trying to stay strong. I cant even process what to say anymore, and the only person I want to talk about it too, is the person who I cant even talk about it too. I dont want my friends to know my pain. I dont want anyone to know.
Im fighting for it, for him, and I cant and wont let him go. I have been left, and left, countless times, and each time I feel it is my fault. I will not forget late night kisses, steamy moments, hearing I'm beautiful, and knowing that I matter so much to one person. I was living my fairy tale, after so many times of pain. I didnt have to feel it anymore, because he took it away.
Right now I just want to cry, because I want to know, maybe im still the princess of that fairy tale, and if he is still my knight.

You dont know who I am? Im that girl right from the start, with the big smile, the big opinions and big thoughts on what the world is. I still dream, and I still think way too much. I still believe that everything that matters the most, and what you think the most, you have to work for it. That's what I have been living by, and at one point, my knight lived by it too.

Now I feel like an inconvenience, and if it mattered if I disappeared for a few days. I wish March never came, I never would have gone away if I knew that I would have left you behind. I promise, I missed you everyday, I promise that I still miss you everyday. I promise, I never stopped loving you, I promise I wont.

I cant help but blame myself, because passion doesnt fade, if it wasnt me who let it fade. Im sorry i let it happen, But i promise Ill fight to get it back.

I want to tell you so much, I want to spill my heart out to the person who I trust so much. But I am worried it will only push you away so much more. I cant do that, WE WILL work it all out.
Everything is a two way street, you have to pull your way, you have to have this optimism I have. You cant ignore my calls, my texts, my messages. Because each part is me holding you closer, because I love you.

I love you, and I love you. This is worrying me, that next we talk could be so different.
Tell me everything is going to be okay, tell me I am beautiful, tell me that I mean the world to you. Tell me you miss me. Tell me everything. AND MEAN IT. Tell me you love me. Fall inlove with me. Be inlove with me.

Baby, everything will be okay. I know it, I just do. You have to try, you have to fight. Because right now I think you are only believing everything that is bad. That nothing good can come of this, when so much that is amazing WILL come from this.

Give me some faith, i dont want to fight anymore, I dont want to hear your argumentative side. I dont want o mumble and grumble and think about what isnt there, and what was there and short it was. Days, dont matter. Time isnt an influence on what you feel, you love what you love.

And i love you despite the inconvience, or the tough stuff.

I cant wait for the summer sunshine, when we will be us. for prom, when you will be living my life, and for your prom when i will be living yours.

believe me, just promise to figure it out. dont go with logic, or inconvenience.
go with me. please, just dont let all of this leave.

I love you. I love you.
Promise me. Believe me.
It will be okay, it will be grande as a matter of fact.
Just like how we are meant to be.